Learning, loving, and living

Lately I feel a lot of negative things. I feel so stressed, burned out, and I feel like I’m losing friends. No, not because I’m turning into a bad person, but because I feel like there’s always little time for me to do everything. I can’t be “in the moment:, even if I found time to enjoy myself, I feel like I’m in a constant worry that I need to rush because time is running out and I need to do my responsibilities. I can’t sit back, enjoy nature, or read a good book while sipping my favorite smoothie on a hammock. I can’t contemplate and “take time to smell the flowers” like I used to. I can’t juggle my responsibilities properly, I can’t get it touch with people I’d like to get in touch, I don’t have enough energy to spend time with the ones I care about. I don’t have enough time and energy to do all of the things I genuinely love.

I don’t know if there’s anyone that can understand what I’m going through, but I feel exhaustion both physically and mentally with everything that I’m juggling. We don’t have a maid and I get a share of household chores. I also manage my business even when I’m in my dayjob and it can be stressful. When I get home, I have to do other business-related tasks, like packing stocks, coordinating with customers, arranging our site photos, etc.

And to add to that, there’s additional paperworks from my day job, aside from the physical exhaustion I get from working. I don’t want to complain, I really don’t. The financial provisions of my job and business helped us get through the daily burdens, but I don’t know if this is slowly taking its toll on me or if I just have to grin and bear it and get used to it.

Now excuse me while I do progress reports. And pack stocks to be delivered tomorrow. And do my quiet time. I plan to manage my time wisely starting today. Help me Lord. Give me the grace and strength to do all the tasks that I have to do.

And even if I feel like life’s in a rush, I will forever be grateful to God for the latest blessings that He has showered upon me.

1. My Online Business - I am very grateful that I am earning a good sum of income that has helped me with my monthly expenses, and helped me saved my work income. Thank You Lord! :) 

2. Family Car - after commuting all my life (well, almost) God has finally blessed us to have a family car that we can use for our trips and for my work. I’m so happy that God gave us this blessing.

3. My love is back - Kevin went home safely from his recently finished 5-month contract. I thank God for this blessing because this summer is an opportunity for us to develop our relationship and spend time with each other.

these top 3 blessings I’m very grateful for, but of course, nothing can beat the greatest blessing that He made me His daughter and gave me the opportunity to know Jesus. Thank You Lord!:)

WOAH! Wait a minute, life. Stop right there. Lately I always feel like I’m in a rush in everything that’s going on in my life. I’m always in a hurry to go to work, hurry to fix myself, to do my reports, to exercise, to do my devotions—it’s as if I feel like I can’t catch up with all the things that I have to do.

If I could just make time slower or learn how to cope then everything would be fine. Not that I’m in total disarray right now, but I wish life would stop for me and let me enjoy its beauty. 

I wish I was seventeen again.

Wow! It’s been ages since I made an actual sensible post. I’ve been so busy with work and my micro-mini business and all other things in between (ministry, fellowship, struggling for “me”-time, going out with friends) that I sometimes feel I can’t even catch up with my own plans. 

Now that I was able to fix my sched, which is Sunday-Monday as free days instead of Sunday-Thursday, I am starting to feel like a human again with an “actual” feeling of a weekend after 10 long months of work which was preceded by the highly toxic internship that happened a year ago.

That feeling of longing for an adventure, though still lingers. One of the major wishes I have right now is for my boyfriend to be home already. Things get easily dull when he’s not around because I’d rather save up my money and spend it with him when he’s here than to splurge on random stuff.

I still long to go somewhere far, somewhere I have never seen before and experience what’s like to be there. I want an adventurous life! But I want it to be mostly a peaceful one. I sometimes feel like my personality fits to a monk or something since I embrace solitude and contemplation more than socializing in parties or gatherings.

One thing I really dislike is staying up late with people and talking about pointless things over liquor. I find it really pointless and time consuming. If you spot me in those situations, trust me, I’m the person who will keep on yawning and asked to be excused early. I don’t even drink, which even more strengthens the fact that I dislike being in these events. I’d rather have a good nights sleep than wake up groggy in the morning with no recollection of anything that’s worth which I stayed up late for.

This is another waiting phase in my life. I’m here in a place where everything I worked hard for in the past years brought me since I started going to school. But now, it also seems like another waiting time for a new chapter, such as marriage, settling down, change of roles, and many other transformations.

I don’t truly know yet where God is leading me but I am trusting His sovereign plan. Everything will be perfect and beautiful in His time.

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080620005818AAC2D25

I seriously need a breather from all of my stressors! can time just stop and let me escape for a while? What a year it has been and what a year it will be! I guess I will just get used to thinking about so many things in a day. May God help me with this!

How do you measure a year in the life? 

I wish I was more of a verbose writer so I could put in words everything that I’m feeling right now. I feel infinite and limited at the same time. I’m thinking of all the places I can go to and moments that I can experience if I don’t stay seated on this couch. 

I think of my work, and how much it has placed me into a box of boredom and burned out-ness. And yet it is something so rewarding and fulfilling at the same time. It’s crazy how I feel two conflicting feelings about many things in my life.

Another year is coming to a close and the moments of my life in 2012, like short clips in a movie started running in my head. My graduation, the first day of work, the worst breakup, the trip to Boracay, the best surprise I had, all the family gatherings and the inside jokes and the all the moments that I cried so hard I fell on my knees and the moments where I laughed so hard I almost cried.

It’s indeed a crazy year and all I can say is that I’m truly blessed that God has given me another 525,600 minutes. It’s a mysterious thing—life. We all try to figure it out; why we go through the motions over time as we get old and gray—and I am just so thankful that God has revealed Himself to me and has given me a heart that is secure in Him alone… to the point of confidence that death isn’t something I should fear about and life is a blessing that should be offered unto Him.

I’m literally dragging myself to go back to my routine. The 4-day vacation was heaven but left me in total disarray. Up to now I still haven’t made any of the 4 progress reports which are all due soon. I just want to lie down and rest. 

I also wasn’t able to do a lot of my usual routines lately, that includes doing quiet time and exercising. Agh! I hate this mess I’m in. 

I sometimes feel like my job is too big of a responsibility. I’m liable to the communication needs of my patients, and his/her progress greatly relies on how I do my techniques, how I feedback his/her caregivers, and how I encourage the patient. Even if I’m not a doctor, I feel like people are such a big responsibility. I’m literally connected to determining a big part of their lives which is their ability to speak. 

I sometimes feel like I can’t keep up from one patient to another. I feel like there’s too many people who need me and there’s only much I can offer. I don’t hate my job, I really don’t. Not that everything’s not going well, they do. I have kids who have improved their communicating skills since I handled them from Day 1. I just really feel like I carry the burden of the whole family of the patient. I have to adjust to each need, to each personality, and connect to them in a deeper level where an entrepreneur or a businesswoman won’t.

I don’t know what lies ahead. Maybe I’m meant to be someone else in another place and another time. Maybe I’m meant to stay in this profession. Maybe having a car would eliminate all my “physical exhaustion problems”. I don’t know. I just want myself to enjoy what I really do at present and accomplish all my goals without feeling like I always don’t have enough time in my hands.

Travel. Walk. Pictures. Beach. Nature. Fun. Food. Eat-all-you can. Hotel. Spa. Relax. Massage. Shop. Clothes. Shoes. Bags. More Pictures. Road Trips. Music. Hills. Trees. Movies. Popcorn. Soft Bed. Cuddling. Airconditioner. Sleep. More sleep. Sushi. Chips. Mac and cheese. Pizza. Fries. Sleep. Museums. Historical places.

Combinations of things that I love and I want to do. Haay.

Happy break to me and to the rest!:)